The Type of Support Single Women DO NOT need
If anyone knows me or has watched my podcast Cultivating Conversations, you know that I have a strong affiliation towards singles. It's not only because I am single (ish); I was a supporter of singles even after I got married. I am a supporter because I've witnessed the disparities singles have endured, and experienced it first hand after my divorce.
For those who've suffered through a divorce, it's much, much worse.
People even with the best intentions make the worst mistakes and say the most ignorant things to single women. Both men and women do it, so this blog is for everyone who has a single friend or relative in their life. Please, for the love of all things, don't say or do the following;
Why are you still single?
This question can either be innocent or condescending, and that all depends on the tone. The tone will be determined by the motive. The undertone (or motive) to the question could say "wow, you're a great catch why hasn't anyone taken you off the market yet?" or it could say "you are probably single because something is wrong with you, but I'm going to ask the question anyway to see what YOU say."
What's wrong with you?
If you read my previous blog "Heal First" then you know someone asked me this question. Yes, literally. They didn't know that the question triggered a conversation I had with someone else (go back and read the blog for details). What they also didn't know (and what was more damaging) is that their question sowed a seed that could've caused a lot of self-doubt and self-condemnation. You see, the above statement/question implies that there is in fact something wrong with an individual; the person asking the question just needs the answer.
Become intrusive; does not respect a woman's privacy
Some things are not a secret: it's just none of your business. We hear so many times that married couples (women in particular, because men typically don't share with one another) should not be sharing all of their personal business with people outside of the marriage... so why should it be different with a single woman? There are times where a single woman may need advice, and times when she will not. Times when she will share and times when she will refrain from sharing. Know this: she is not obligated to share more than she is willing to just because she is single. She deserves the same respect and privacy as any other woman.
Make assumptions
I've witnessed women making comments about other women when they "pop out" on social media with a relationship or a man who they look like they may be in a relationship with. The assumption is the couple is having sex- not because they posted they're having sex; not because the woman was dressed in lingerie; just based off of assumption. This assumption and mindset is dangerously offensive. We claim we want to see singles in a relationship and married, then try to drag them with a fine tooth comb assuming what is happening in that relationship. STOOOOOOOOOP! If you're married and stayed a virgin or celibate before marriage, give yourself a big round of applause. If you "slipped up," slip into a seat and hush. Either way, give others the same grace you received, when no one was in your business regarding your relationship before marriage. You don't have a heaven or hell to put anyone in.
Single women need guidance, prayer and support and none of those always require a conversation with the woman. Above all, they need space and respect. They don't need offensive comments and assumptions. The world is cruel enough: don't add to it...